Thursday, January 2, 2014

Black Women, my husband left me for a white woman after I lost my hair


Black women, Lucille shared her story with us about how her husband leaving her for a white woman.  Lucille thought she had an advantage over the average black woman, because she is bi-racial with light skin, but says now she accepts herself just as a black woman.   She never thought Dave would leave her, because he would place her upon a pedestal whenever they were seen by some black women.   Now, she says she feels really bad and realizes she is not equal to her white mother who does not know how it feels to be black.   

Lucille went on to admit she thought she had it easier, but now feels her ex-husband who is a black man has discriminated against her, because he chose to be with a white woman as though she is above her.  Now, she says she is frustrated and does not know how to feel equal to black women, although she no longer sees herself as bi-racial.  

Lucille opened up with us about how she found out her husband was cheating on her.  She said after she lost her hair to a bad perm, Dave bein being very distant from her.   Lucille describes her hair as very kinky, but at one time very long.  So, she would regularly put a relaxer in it.  One day, she allowed another beautician to do her hair, since her regular beautician went on a vacation.  Two weeks later, her hair begin falling out, so she cut it all off and sometimes began wearing wigs.  After leaving her job one evening, she wanted to surprise Dave with their favorite food, pizza and spicy wings, but when she opened the bedroom door, she immediately was shocked by this other woman wearing her negligee, sleeping in her bed, next to Dave.   She screamed and began demanding that Dave and the woman get out of the condominium.  Every since, she has not heard from Dave until 2 weeks ago when he came by to get his belongings.   She confronted him, and asked him why he cheated on her, he bluntly admitted he loved her hair, not really in love with her.

Lucille, thanks so much for reading SoulsofBlackWomen.com.  We are very sorry about your hair loss and also very sorry about your husband leaving you.  However, we are so glad you are out of that failed marriage, because you would have never found out how he really felt about you.  Now, you can live your life without someone just being in love with your hair.  You want a man to love you for you, not just your beauty.  

As for now accepting yourself just as a black woman, we fully support you and completely understand why you have made this decision.   It really does hurt when some black men leave us for white women, but we could never imagine what it's like for this to happen and your mother is white.  However, do not let this other woman create a wall between you and your mother.  You must still love and respect her, but be honest and tell your mother how you feel and why you chose to no longer claim being bi-racial.  Always remember, no matter how you see yourself, bi-racial or black,  you are still beautiful, because God made you that way and it does not matter if you have long hair or short hair.    Furthermore, Dave is very ignorant, because he does not realize that there are many white women who also lose their hair, because of a bad perm.  What would happen if this other woman loses her hair?  Is he going to leave her too? 

Now Lucille, what you said about feeling equal to black women is irrelevant, because we do have a lot of issues among us.  There are many black women who don't feel equal among themselves, because they refuse to unite.  So, if you are going to identify with being a black woman, don't do it, because you expect to feel equal to black women, do it, because you feel that's who you know you are and its going to make you happy.  Most of all, never forget this fact, whether you see yourself as bi-racial or as a black woman you are still special in the eyes of God.

God bless you Lucille and thanks for reading SoulsofBlackWomen.com.  We hope we have been been able to somewhat help you.

Note: All names and photos are fictitious
Photo: Bananastock 

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