Monday, December 23, 2013

Black Women, I lost my hair because of worry and now I've lost my woman too


Christine has shared her personal story how she lost her hair after losing her mother to breast cancer.   She was in a lesbian relationship for many years and her ex-lover moved out and refused to have any further association with her.  She's honest enough to admit she thought her ex-lesbian partner really cared, much more than the mother she lost to breast cancer, but she finally discovered who her ex-lover really was, after she reminded her she was no longer young and pretty.  After she lost her hair, her ex-lover told her she looked even worse than she already was.  Now, she does not know how to properly grieve after losing her mother and hates herself for thinking a woman could fill the void of giving her the love, her mother never gave her.  Her ex-lover was even there for her in the hospital room when her mother was dying of breast cancer and she vowed she would never leave her.   Christine says she feels like a failure and hates herself for even being a lesbian. Christine wants to know how to get over her lesbian lover and grow her hair back.

Hello Christine, thank you for contacting SoulsofBlackWomen.com and thank you for sharing your story.  We are aware you have been dumped by your ex-lesbian lover after you lost her your hair and most importantly, your dear mother.  You know, a lot of us black women have lost our mothers long before they died of a disease.  Let us be more clear, a lot of black women have not loved their daughters how they have loved and cared for their sons, so we've had to teach ourselves how to become women, the best way we know how.  Therefore, don't blame yourself, there are many black women who have became lesbians, because they longed for their mother's love, which is a big mistake.   

So now, let us help you with your problem.  Your ex-lover may have pretended to be there for you when your mother was dying of breast cancer while having hatred in her heart.  Now, that you've lost your hair, it's just an excuse for her to leave you.  Didn't you tell us, she was already putting you down for your age and appearance?  Therefore, you must learn to love yourself and forgive yourself for looking to women to give you the love and encouragement your mother never gave you.   Begin to picture yourself bedside your mother in the hospital without your ex-lover being there and begin praying and telling God you love and forgive your mother.   Now, you sent us a photo (not the above photo) of yourself and we see a very beautiful woman.  All you have to do is accept yourself as beautiful and realize age is nothing but a number.   There are 50 year old women and older who are more youthful than 20 year old women, believe it or not.   

As for your hair, go to a professional and let them look at your hair.  You must allow them to regularly shampoo and condition it.  Go seek medical advice for depression and possibly, your doctor can prescribe a medication that can help with your nerves.  Then, in a few months time, you may see your hair begin to grow.  Many black women lose their hair, because of a nervous condition, but-it has nothing to do with them not being beautiful, it's just that they cannot deal with a lot of stress, so their hair begins to fall out.  You just happen to be one of those women, but don't put yourself down for it.  One of these days, if your ex-lover happens to lose her own mother, she will learn what it feels like to endure deep depression and then, you can forgive and be there for her, if she wants it.  However, we would encourage you to never go back to her for a relationship, because from what you are telling us, it was a very unhealthy one.  One of these days, God will send the right person to you and it could be a good man, you never know.  

God bless you Catherine and keep reading SoulsofBlackWomen.com.

Note: All names and photos are fictitious


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