Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Black Women, the Black Church Deceived Me Into Going Back to My Husband Who Cheated With My Father

Sisters, one of dear readers name, 'Debra' (fictitious name) shared her story  with us about the black church who criticized her for not going back to her husband whom she discovered was in a discreet affair with her own father.  She honestly went to her father's good friend who is the pastor of this mega church to admit what her father had done, but was rebuked as being a rebellious daughter.   Her own mother even went against her and she thought the pastor of this very prominent black church in Los Angeles would be the last person to judge her as being an unforgiving person.  So, what did she do?   She forgave husband and father and she found out, their discreet love affair didn't stop after doing so. 

Debbie explained to us, she first discovered the affair between her father when she found them buck-naked in her bed when they did not expect her returning home early from a doctor's appointment with her kids. After she drove to her mother's house, she told her to get over it as though she had no right to be offended by the incestuous affair.   She tried to go back to her husband, 'Frank (fictitious name)', but it was very difficult knowing her mother knew about it and wanted to continue ignoring the infidelity after it happened again when they went on a family vacation.   Her mother wanted to continue going to church as though they were a perfect family, when in fact they were very dysfunctional. Her mother wanted her to put on a front, because their family is well-known and one of the original first members who helped expand the ministry. One Sunday, the people whom attend this prominent black church did not allow her to enter, after they found out she was divorcing Frank.

You know, some black women do not like to admit, there are some scandalous men in their families, but this woman was strong enough to admit her father was very nasty to discreetly sleep with husband, more than once.   Now, she has decided to divorce husband and her mother is still married to her father and wants to share custody of Debbie's kids with her husband.  Can you believe that?  She wants to take away custody from her own daughter.  We tell you, this sort of mess within the black church and the average black family is nothing new.  We have even heard of stories of brothers sleeping with their sisters boyfriends and husbands, a lot secret nasty affairs going on within the black family.   The nerve of some people to wonder why some black women choose to date outside their race, it's simply because of circumstances similar to this one.  We are not saying all black men do this within black families, but it happens often and people like to keep quiet about it.  In order to heal the black family, the nasty sin business must stop and it does not help for the black church to keep covering this stuff up.   This is why a lot people don't want even to go to church, there is too much mess and many times, the black church takes side with family members whom are very wrong.

Our response to Debbie:

Debbie, thank you so much for sharing your story with 'Souls of Black Women', we feel very bad you have had to endure such distress.   We have to admit, many of us black women have been through the same thing within our own families and have experienced such persecution by the black church when we chose to no longer deal with it.   We want you to know, Jesus knows all about your father and husband's affair.   They may think they can hide their dirt, just because your mother is covering up, including your family pastor, but not for too much longer.   Of course, we black women are always told to forgive, but no one ever wants to deal with the person whom has wronged us.   Therefore, we want you to seek God and don't stop.   In due time, He will handle the situation.  Have you ever heard, everything hidden will come to light?   That's very true, not just a cliche.   Therefore, all of your pain, you must let it go and not look back. Furthermore, letting go does not mean to return to your marriage, but it means to release the pain to Jesus and no longer think about it.   The sickness among many black people is that they think forgiveness is dealing with mess while continuing to be hurt, but God doesn't not want this cycle to continue, because it very unhealthy for you. Moving on also means to no longer deal with being oppressed by people whom don't care about you.  As for your mother trying to get custody with your husband for your kids, we want you to pray and have faith.  We trust and believe God will work on your behalf.   We really think, she will not win partial custody, especially if you are strong enough to admit in court what caused the divorce and how your mother has tried to cover up the affair.  Always remember the scripture found in Romans 8:31, 'What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?'  God bless you, thanks for your story and keep reading, 'Souls of Black Women.'

All names and photos are fictitious.
Source and Photo: Blend Images/Fuse


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