Saturday, October 20, 2012

'Black women, should I take my ex-husband back after he left me to marry a white man?'

You know, these days it is not just the white women and other races of women, many black men are leaving us black women for, but it is also white men.  It certainly does not matter what color your ex-husband's partner is, because hurt is hurt, but this case is much different.  'Lorraine' (all fictitious names) confided in us, regarding her personal situation.  Lorraine was married to her husband, 'Gerald' for 11 years and then, he came out of the closet about 3 years ago and brought his partner to the house, informing her in front of their children 'Dan' was going to be his husband.  Now, he has honestly opened up to Lorraine and admitted he made a mistake, Dan cheated on him with another man, his own kind.  Gerald wants to come home, after not only marrying Dan, but also adopting children with him.  Our response, do not take him back, but do what makes you happy.

Let us assure you, we are not giving our opinion for Lorraine not to take Gerald back, because he left her for a white man, but we are saying not to take him back, because he not only left her for a man, but he started a family with him and this is very unhealthy for Lorraine's children she already bore for him. Think about it sisters, does Gerald expect for Lorraine to deal with the kids he adopted with Dan or is he just going to leave Dan as a single parent to raise those children alone?  Is he willing to be completely disconnected with Dan, regardless of their adopted kids?  Do you see how messy this situation is?  Either way, too much damage has already been done.  Even if Dan was black, we would not advise for Lorraine to take Gerald back.  It's bad enough Gerald was bold enough to bring his ex-husband to the house in front of his innocent young children and hurt his ex-wife, Lorraine.  The damage is already done when Lorraine had to sit her children down and explain something they were too young to understand. It is very unfair for him to request to remarry Lorraine, after he made a commitment that broke up their 11 year marriage leaving her to raise 4 children alone.

To a lot of us black women, it is already offensive to see a black man all hugged up with a white, Latino or Asian woman, but to deal with your ex-husband who left you for a white man or any other race, it is too painful.   Sisters, diversity is fine, but God never desired for us to endure such betrayal when it comes to the some black men whom used to love us, and now flaunt their lustful desires to be with another race in our faces, because some left in adulterous affairs, that's when it is very wrong.   What is so bad about this situation is that Lorraine's children saw the confrontation when Gerald allegedly brought Dan to the house.  Gerald did not even have the decency to respect Lorraine and tell her in private without bringing Dan to the house.  This is the type of day we are living in sisters, so much diversity, no respect for us as black women.  This is why we always encourage you to make sure you are very close to God, because do not be surprise when the Devil uses the very ones whom promised and vowed to love us for life to hurt us in a very bad way.  As black women, we endure such a different type of emotional pain than other races of women, because God made us unique, so this is why you must be very careful whom you make a commitment to, because our feelings are not to be played around with.   If nobody wants to respect the black woman, we owe it to ourselves to not be so quick to take a man back, just because he admits he made a mistake.  You can forgive, but do not allow black men like Gerald to misuse and abuse your feelings.  Let him know he cannot leave and come and come back anytime he wants, especially after you spent many nights crying yourself to sleep, all alone.   If he admits he made a mistake, forgive him, but do not allow him to waste anymore of your time, because your life is precious and God gave it to you to enjoy, not be stressed out about anything.

Sisters this is why it is so very hard to be united as a race of people these days, because of this type of mess. Many black women are complaining there are not enough black men to love us.  Really, we are better off without them, if they have a lot in common with Gerald.

So, Lorraine, it was Gerald's decision to leave you for Dan and start a new family, let him deal with his mistake.  Often times, we should let go of past painful relationships to move forward as God's Word told us in Philippians 3:13, 'Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before...'  Therefore, it pays to not take your ex-husband back, if it is going to wake up some very bad memories, just a suggestion.  Furthermore, if he is really serious about turning his life around, he will make a change, regardless of you not taking him back.  However, if you feel you can deal with it, take him back, it's your life and your choice.

Photo: Fancy
Photo: Fuse
Photo: Pixland

Photo: Fuse (not real people in article)


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