Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Black women, the Black Church Kicked Me Out After My Married Pastor Impregnated me 3 times

One of our avid readers, Francis (fictitious name) contacted us and admitted she has been pregnant three times by her married pastor.   When she confronted him about paying child support, she was asked to take a leave of absence by this very prominent "Pastor Jackson (fictitious name) " whom requested that she keep quiet while spending time away from the church.  Francis refused to leave the church and called a meeting by inviting some church members to hear her confession outside of the church. At this meeting in front of church members, she was embarrassed, but admitted she bore children for Pastor Jackson.   She then was ostracized and persecuted by his church members, including his wife who found out about her meeting.   She ended up wanting to commit suicide, after she was stopped at the front entrance of the church on the following Sunday morning by Pastor Jackson's armor bearers.  Now, Francis does not know how to raise her children as a single mother or even attend another church.

When we asked her why did she allow him to impregnate her two more times, after the first time, she allegedly admitted she was getting paid as the leader of his praise team in this popular mega church and she enjoyed singing praise and worship songs.  She felt special, like a star. However, she wanted him to fulfill his duty as the father of her children, so all of that popularity became unimportant to her.  She never thought about getting an abortion, because she followed her pastor's teaching that is was wrong, although he suggested it, each time she secretly informed him about her pregnancy. Pastor Jackson had seen his kids by Francis at church many Sundays, but never got close or even looked at them.  In otherwards, he acted as though they were not his kids, every time they were in his presence.  Pastor Jackson is still a very rich and famous televangelist and has declined our request for comment and his secretary refused to allow us to speak with his wife.  Francis brought her problem to Souls of Black Women, simply because she admits having a secret affair with this well known pastor was wrong, but now that she must raise all three of her children alone, she does not know what to do or even how to be a mother to them.  Also, it has been over 8 months and she is still on leave of absence as though she has been fired as the praise team leader.

As black women, we often get misused in the black church, especially if our family has been attending for a very long time.  It is the usual custom to remain quiet just because the pastor is known as the 'man of God.'  If you even admit the truth about his lustful seduction, you will get rebuked not only by him, but also by your mother in a lot of cases, depending on who she is within the church.    Not all pastors are like "Pastor Jackson," but there have been some whom expect certain women to secretly fulfill there sexual desires, in exchange for a prestigious position. Such prestigious positions in the black church is an honor for the average mother who is also a dignitary to see her daughter standing before hundreds or even thousands of people at every church service or conference, especially when their mother is also a high ranking employee of that lucrative ministry.  However, in Francis case, her mother got her start as an evangelist and is now known all over the country, just because of previously being on the board of trustee's at Pastor Jackson's mega church.

Francis mother, "Rev. Cook" suggested that she forgives him and moves on with her life.  We questioned how that is possible if Francis mother has no consideration for  her daughter's distress after boring all three children.  Whenever, she confronts her mother, 'she replies, if I did not care, I would not have been there for you each time you gave birth to my grandchildren.' Then she makes Francis feel bad for approaching Pastor Jackson and causing conflict between he and his wife.  She also makes her feels very bad by reminding her the money she makes through her ministry would not have been possible without him, so she might as well enjoy some of it, which is over 6 figures, monthly.

Francis, it is time you realize God loves you, although you have discreetly bore your pastor's children out of wedlock.  You are still very special, although you may not be leading the praise team any longer.  He loves you regardless of not being allowed to step foot in Pastor Jackson's church.  You must believe what we are telling you. As black women, a lot of times, we make mistakes while being raised in the church.  You may have done wrong by being your pastor's mistress, but your pastor has to give an account, if he does not repent.  He is a pastor of a church and has a wife and kids.   He should not have taken advantage of you, just because of his powerful position.   As for raising your children, you should still thank God you bore them, they are very valuable in the eyes of God, no matter how they got here.    Your children are God's children and although, they may have been born out of wedlock, they are still a gift to you from God.  We make mistakes in our lives all the time, especially when a pastor or an evangelist has the power to take advantage of us, but you can feel comfortable raising those children knowing they are not mistakes, they have a purpose in life.  No matter how you got to be a mother, accept yourself as a fortunate parent.   As for your mother, forgive her, no matter how bad it hurts.   She may not be sensitive to what you have been through, but God knows what she has done has been very wrong, although she is your mother.  Many times, our mothers whom have high prestigious positions in the church ignore our feelings as though the pastor and first family is all they care for.  Although your Mom loves you, she must learn all the money she is getting through ministry is not valuable as you are, especially when it comes to salvation. You have to give this entire situation over to God, you can't carry it, it's too painful.  Often times, we as black women who may have been raised in the church continue to carry bad situations from the past throughout our lives, especially when we were mistreated by the pastor, the first family and his church members, but you have a new life now and it involves your children.   So what, you are not the praise team's leader anymore?  You can sit down at a keyboard and start creating songs and one of these days, you may share your gift to those whom will want to hear you on a CD or at a concert.  If you should come out with a music CD, Pastor Jackson and his wife will be very embarrassed to see you rising above your circumstance, they won't be able to deal with it, because they know they did you wrong.  Your testimony of your past trial many times makes you a very powerful woman and years later, no telling what will happened with this pastor and wife if they do not apologize to you for shunning and turning you away from the church, it's not right and they are certainly not saved.  They do not know Jesus, because if they did, they would show some compassion and not put you out of the church.  So Francine, never forget our response to you.

In the meantime, we will keep Francis, her children and mother in our prayers.  Also, we pray for this pastor, because he is going to need it.

Note: The names and photo are fictitious
Photo: Design Pics 
Photo: fStop


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